I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I think people are normalizing furries
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize