rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I lost the right to judge tonight
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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