I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
