Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
