Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize