Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
