never play flip cup with pint glasses
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
