Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
