Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
