That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
