i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
