I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
