WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
