Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
