He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
