So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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