Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
