my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
