Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
