Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize