I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
