I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
