what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
