So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
