So drunk its hurt
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
