saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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