we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
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