Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
