But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize