ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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