Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Randomize
