Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
