last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
