This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Please don't give away my fajitas
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize