How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
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