I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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