Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
