I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
