You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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