i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
