I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
