i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize