It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
