Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
