Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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