Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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