Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Randomize
