oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
