I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
