Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
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