turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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