please come you make the beer taste better
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
