I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Did I show you my penis last night?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
