pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
