where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
