Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
