College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
