Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
50% drunk capacity currently
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
