It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
