I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
