The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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