Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
