at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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