can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
