thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
