Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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