This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
