I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
