kristin has been a bad kristin
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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