First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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