New low: just hacked my moms facebook
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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