I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
