the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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